AP (12/23/97)

...

A freak injury has forced Tiger Woods into early retirement, sources say.

Tiger Woods, who was projected to be the 1998 leading money winner on the 
tour and serious contender for 3-4 majors, announced his retirement today 
following a freak injury late last night.

Woods, eagerly awaiting the start of the '98 season, lost his "Big Wood" 
shortly after the conclusion of the NFL Monday night game. Police reported 
that a Red Fox dashed into Woods' home as the final gun sounded, chomped 
on Wood's tube steak, and fled after declaring, "The big one is all mine, now."

A little known pro, Bill "The Borer", has been designated to take 
Woods' place on the tour.
 
***********************************************************************************


From: "Willo" 
Subject: Re: golf draft Monday evening
Date: Tue, 30 Dec 1997 20:41:00 -0500

It is evident to me that Mr. Gabes has nothing to do but vaseline his nose,
select awful picks in every draft he is in, and whine about nobody getting
very excited about his Roto-whacking. If only he would get a boring life
like the rest of us Cyberbuddies then he would lower his expectations.

Keep up the chanting.  Life is good!!  Now if only the Patriots win on
Saturday.

A true whacker

*****************************************************************

From: Al
Subject: Senior Tour
Date: Mon, 5 Jan 1998 15:44:07 -0500

Andy,

I was checking out your roster, seeing the likes of:

Kite
Olazabal
Pavin
Azinger
Nelson

I was wondering if you were making picks for the Senior Tour. Or looking 
for Comeback Player of the Year honors.

Has Pavin been in the Top 20 since Shinnecock?

OK, Kite was second at Augusta... and maybe Olazabal is healthy again...
but they have both seen better days, my friend.

Azinger... has his hair grown back?  Yes?  Well, has his golf game grown 
back?

And Larry Nelson... if he weren't the architect of a new course near my 
home, I would have thought that he were dead!