Gentlemen,
 
To say the least, it was a very tough year for all of us in golf. We lost our dear friend and playing partner Willo, King of CyberZahm. We also lost the King of golf, Arnie. CyberZahm and the golfing world will never be quite the same.
 
As I say every year, our golf format is one which gives everyone many different ways to make (and lose) money. I like it that way because it gives you something to root for throughout the season even if your team isn’t contending for the championship. There were only three money winners this year, but compared to most years, nobody was really hurt that badly. Let’s get to this year’s numbas:
 
-The lucky, dumb cocksucker was particularly lucky this year. He not only is the 2016 champion, but he takes home a ton of beer money. Fox wins $861.19. He did well across the board. In addition to taking home first place money, he won a Grand Slam Skin, won a league best nine weekly skins, and won more money than anyone else in the majors side bets. I’m sure he’s got a woody after reading this!
 
-Willo and his Battle Royale-ers took second place. He wins $79.93. The total would have been much greater, but he only won one weekly skin and was third worst in the majors side bets.
 
-My Skins took third place. I win $58.15. My total would also have been higher, but I sucked hind tit in the majors side bets and lost a league worst $124.25 in those four events.
 
-Sobo’s Seekers took fourth place, but they lost $89.10. His Seekers had the second worst showing in the majors side bets. That took away any chance to win some money.
 
-Mags’ Mullies finished in the final money spot, but they lost $51.45 in *hard dollars*. They had a second best seven weekly skins, and had they done better in the majors side bets, the might have broken even or even won some money. Mags’ Grand Total loss was actually only $11.45, because he won bottles of wine from Ikey and Andy. (Note that, for dollar values, I assigned $25 for the price of each bottle of booze won/lost and $20 for the price of each bottle of wine won/lost).
 
-Al’s Balls finished in sixth place. Al loses $196.00. It could have been much worse, but after sitting out the Masters side bet, he won a second best $105 in the other three majors side bets. 
 
-Hans’ Holes finished in seventh place. Hans loses $199.95. His decent showing in the majors side bets kept his losses under $200.
 
-Ikey’s Heroes finished in eighth place, but Ikey loses only $89.90 in *hard dollars*. His Heroes captured two Grand Slam Skins, and came close to breaking even in the majors side bets. He also won the low team score of the year bet, a 28 in week 12. He loses a bottle of wine to Mags, but that shouldn’t bother him because he won a bottle of booze from Jack and a bottle of wine from Andy. All things considered, his loses were only a Grand Total of $64.90. Not bad for 36 weeks of entertainment after an eighth place finish.
 
-Andy’s Hookers didn’t finish in the cellar this year, but it didn’t stop them from losing a league worst $200.67 in *hard dollars*. It could have been worse, though. His Hookers did do relatively well in the majors side bets, and his boy Rory did win the FedEx Cup. Andy also owes bottles of wine to Mags and Ikey. His Grand Total losses then become $240.67.
 
-Jackie’s Smoothies were anything but this year. They sleep in the cellar until at least the completion of the Tournament of Champions in early January. Jack loses $172.20 in *hard dollars*. His loses would have been much greater, but his Smoothies won a Grand Slam Skin, and they did third best in the majors side bets. Jack also owes Ikey a bottle of booze, so his Grand Total losses become $197.20.
 
Remember that, for draft slot selection purposes, it’s the Grand Total losses, from most lost to most won, that determines where you slot for draft position selection. The draft slot selection will begin on Monday, November 28th. I’m leaning towards the draft starting on Monday, December 19th.
 
The accounting spreadsheet is attached for your review. Losers should send checks to me for the *hard dollars* that you lost (booze and wine should be sent directly to the winners). 
 
I’ll pay the winners once I’ve received all checks. Let’s try to do all of this quickly so that I can close the books on the 2016 season and start looking forward to 2017. As you know, the new season kicks off very soon. We’ll join the fun like this past season with the Tournament of Champions on Maui on January 5th. We’ll all have about two and a half months to see how guys are doing before we draft in later December.
 
Congrats again to all of the winners, and better luck next year to all of the losers!
 
Commissioner Asshole