The following dialog was generated when several teams made trades after the all star game. ************************************************* I just returned from another planet (Idaho) and see that there were some illegal activities going on. I thought the League Rules set the trade deadline as the All-Star break (a week ago). Three trades announced by the panicky Red Foxes (in fear of losing a washington and a lot of pride to the Bombers) with Nuts, Panzas, Mazins are hereby protested as occuring after the trade deadline. I can be bribed however (6-packs of Bitburger for each trade). DICC, as the other league officials are involved in these scandalous proceedings, it is up to you to render a judgement (God help us). Jim ************************************************ Mags, According to the law put forth by the ICC, you are absolutely correct. Section E.6 specifically states that: TRADE DEADLINE IS THE ALL STAR BREAK! This means that all of the trades made during the last waiver period were illegal. I fear that the poor performance of the Red Foxes may have their sad owner in a hallucinatory state. If not that, then perhaps he's been drinking large doses of that Black Toad piss as he looks at box scores each morning. In any event, you seem to have a legitimate protest. This is a serious matter that must be resolved. Perhaps the fairest resolution is to subtract 10 points from each team that traded illegally. That would give the Foxes about 8.5 or 9 points. Would that be acceptable to you? DICC ************************************************ Kudos to Captain Bomber and the DICC for their insightful analysis and swift action to correct league rules violations that were offensive to fan everywhere. I only hope the DICC can make his ruling stand, which would be a first. Clearly, a leftist plot was underfoot. Mags spotted like the able investigator of stones and dirt that he is. The only thing left uncovered: Clinton's involvement. This smelly episode bears his forlorn and hideous scent. I await further reports. D.D. ************************************************ DICC, This is an intriguing penalty, but surely would throw the entire season/standings into pandemonium. In fact, on further consideration, I suspect that is exactly what these culprits had in mind. Note that this devious scheme was initiated by Commie Tommy on 7/15 with an announcement of trade offers for his roster of throwers. The left-handed Minnenutshvik clearly stated his intentions of overthrowing the B'busters (that would be you). Then the next day, Fox first initiates a diversionary tactic, asking the owners if they still read and, in the unlikely event that they do, requests that everyone send in their five favorite titles. Then on the same day, "Steinbrenner" Fox brazenly solicits trades with the Panzas, Mazins, and 'Lnuts, as he attempts to overthrow order and discipline amongst the July-baseball-doldrum-numbed owners. I belive there may be a conspiracy here between the socialist factions (the Commie boy and "Red" Fox) of the league, targeting the supreme capitalists first, assuming that once they are lured into corrupt trade practices, it would only be a matter of time before baseball anarchy ensued. It was also clear that the Fox's query of the league's ability to read was based on his erroneous assumption that no one had read the League rules, or had read them but found them incomprehensible. The Mazin one then takes up on the diversionary scheme by submitting not five, but TEN favorite reads, with clever but excruciating read-bites to further dull the senses of the innocent flock. The tactic works, turning the attention of the remaining league official, the DICC (that would be you), to DICC'ish fantasies of beloved books on tape, complete with moans and groans, and the occasional squeal (and maybe even a bleat or two for the New Zealand porn fans). The Panzas chirp in, flattering the DICC's humor to further divert his attention, and the deed is done. The next thing you know, a whirling dervish of activity has tr ansposed the Foxes into yet another sucky team. Pitifully, the Panzas and Mazins cave in to the frenzy in their sneaky efforts to pad their coffers. And the Nuts and Foxes succeed in their scheme to socialize baseball. No, a ten-point penalty would only add to the revolution, lowering the standards of the remaining dignified owners, and even those of Willo. Since there clearly is no respect for the rules in the ICC's office, his earlier protests of rules changes re number of waivers should be over-ruled, and additional waivers should be added to the honest owners (and Willo), who avoided participation (maybe they weren't paying attention?) in this scandal. I recommend that the 'Busters, Invincibulls, Hogs, 'Rats, Tamales, and Bombers each be given FOUR ADDITIONAL WAIVER PICKS, to be used in Aug/Sept this year. What say the rest of the law-abiding owners (and Willo)? Captain Bomber *********************************************** I can live with that, even though the ICC GAINED 3 WAIVER moves in his illegal trades. There also should be copious supplies of beer provided to the injured parties to aid in their "getting over it". mags *********************************************** Mr. Mags, Hmmmm! Your assessment of what transpired during recent weeks is both interesting and alarming. Our league can not tolerate corrupt officials! We must confront this problem immediately. This is no time for a flaccid DICC, so, the DICC is excercising his hand in order to make a hard and rigid stand on this matter. While I still prefer the idea of dropping each of their point totals by 10 points, your suggestion of giving additional waiver moves to those who have observed league rules is probably the fairest way to go. Four additional moves is a bit much, so, the DICC will give 2 additional waiver moves to the Bombers, Tamales, Hogmen, Bulls, Muckrats and Busters. This decision is final. I'm certain the ICC will hold his head firm on this because he has said that his mouth will embrace the DICC's ejaculations during his absence. DICC ************************************************* Mags, Gabes, and all Roto-heads (and you,too, Dave, cause this is a legal issue....) The rhetoric was wonderful... funny, witty... and, Mags, you were on the money bagging Fox (and us) on his illegal trades. However, there is nothing in the rules to suggest that such trades are penalized by the DICC. Shouldn't they simply not be allowed? At which point, then, I defer to my note stating that I would want Martinez replaced by the list of pitchers I submitted. Now... I don't want to be a spoiled sport, but I KNOW that I am protected if the trades are disallowed, as I believe they should be. Just like Hans' illegal move on Irabu. Simply disallowed... no benefit gleaned by the owners who did NOT make an illegal transaction. In fact, I would PREFER that the moves are NOT allowed, and we defer to previously stated requests. Candiotti was my first choice to replace Martinez, and he was already a winner this week. However, I am always willing to compromise. If all feel that the moves should stand because they are too cumbersome to reverse, then I will accept that non-offending teams are awarded EITHER one waiver move OR one post-All-Star game trade. Anything more than than that... well, give me Candiotti and one more win. Al/Babs *************************************************** I think that backing off the trades is probably the right thing to do, but there still should be copious beer fines for the offenders, especially for Fox who levies these fines routinely when league rules are broken (or attempted to be broken). I would have suggested rescinding the illegal trades, but I noticed that Hans had already dutifully entered them and it seemed unfair to burden him with more work. Hans has spoken though, and his suggestion of reversing the trades with a 2 waiver bonus for him and one waiver for the rest of us law-abiding citizens (and Willo) sounds good (plus unlimited penalty beer, some of which is shipped to South Carolina). Albert, what in the world prompted you to make your trade in the first place? Why rock the boat man- you're sittin pretty. The sorcerer Fox must have put a spell on you. Fox is also clearly trying to pad his Saves category- that would also have been a violation of one of his rules, except that he does not have any sidebets on that category. Guess he' s just trying to move up on the overalls; he clearly is delirious though. In addition to whatever penalties are ultimately imposed, I suggest that Fox's CyberZahm page nickname be changed from "ICC" to "Steinbrenner". We need to keep our fan-base (DD) happy and satisfied with league integrity (!). Honest Mags ******************************************************* Honorable DICC: It appears the silver-tongued Panza has licked the DICC, convincing you to drop the penalty to 1 waiver for the honest teams. This would be acceptable only if the illegal trades are voided; otherwise the Red Fox insurrection succeeds in re-supplying his sucky team with 10 players, using 3 ILLEGALLY-OBTAINED WAIVERS. This can't be allowed to happen. Hans' suggestion to reverse the trade makes the 1 waiver penalty (2 for Hans) acceptable. DICC, please reload and fire again. Dave, you were quite savvy in smelling a Clinton connection. Fox noted a trip to DC in his diatribe: " I'll update the stuff on the web page when I get back from D.C.". Perhaps he has gone in search of new Fox tail at the White House. A full investigation is warranted. **************************************************** Whoaaaa! I'd suggest Al better shut the **** up or the DICC will slap him in the face with a very stiff fine. You are party to this corruption, Mr. Panzy Ass, and any suggestions from you will NOT be considered. The same applies to Mr. SLICC (Slimy, Low-down, Inflexible Commissioner Cocksucker). It is up to me to straighten this mess out and when the goin' gets hard the hard one gets goin'. After consultation with the independent counsel of DD & Howe, and after considering the suggestions of the honest owners who have made comments, here's what we will do: 1) The current trades will stand because 1) reversing them could possibly benefit the scoundrels involved in the illegal activities if the trades were reversed. Al's already said that if the trades are reversed then he'll just waive R. Martinez for Candiotti (giving him a win after the fact). Even if he didn't waive Martinez, he's benefitted from additional news about Martinez' injury and the fact that recent reports now say Martinez may be back in just two weeks. This is information he defintely did not know last Saturday. 2) Hans has already spent his precious time changing the weekly pages to reflect the trades. We will not ask him to spend more time. Besides, he leaves for vacation on Saturday and a change at this point might screw up the weekly head to head battles and cost one of the good owners to lose money to one of the snake owners. 3) The Bombers, Tamales, Hogmen, Bulls, Muskrats and Busters will each get one (1) additional waiver move and the Foxes, Mazins, Panzas and Nuts will lose one waiver move. I believe the Panzas and Mazins are already out of moves anyway, so, they won't be penalized any further. On the other hand, the leftist red's who started this insurrection, Commie Tommy and Dan Red Fox, will each lose one (1) waiver move. 4) The firm of DD & H is looking into further legal action against the four owners. Stay tuned for details as they become available. DICC *************************************************** Mags - nice catch. I am very disappointed in our DICC. Babs, you are right, he was quick to disallow my request of Irabu, but he has the gall, or the balls to blatently ignore league rules with these too-late trades. In addition to disallowing the trades, I am asking for 2 waivers for my time changing the rosters A G A I N, when I shouldnt have had to do it in the first place. and while we are at it, I think ALL owners who did not participate in this scam should benefit with at least one waiver, on top of the trades being reversed, which, by the way, needs to be done this week so the statistics in CBS Sportsline are not all whacked out. Also, I will be on vacation and off-line starting early Sunday morning until the following Sunday evening, so lets get this done in the next 24 hours before the daily stats get really screwed up. Fox, I am really disappointed that you, of all people, broke the rules. But, what the hell, this is nothing that a couple of cases of beer for each of us at the upcoming Albertfest, wont cure. I can be bought - or at least served lots of beer to help make me forget this inexcusable violation of league decorum. Hans ********************************************************** Mr. Bomber: Your point is well-taken. When I made my ruling I didn't realize that the Fox had obtained three waiver moves during his disgusting attempt to circumvent the rules. Therefore, the Bombers, Tamales, Hogmen, Bulls, Muskrats and Busters will each get an additional two (2) waiver moves rather than one. The scumbags involved in the illegal trades will each lose one (1) waiver move if they have a move remaining. If they don't have waiver moves left, then no further punishment will be handed down unless independent counsel suggests further legal action. TRADES WILL STAND BUT CONTINUED PUBLIC SHAMING OF ALL INVOLVED IN THE ILLEGAL TRADES IS ENCOURAGED! We will not ask Mr. H to do additional work, so, he won't have to spend additional time reversing the trades on the weekly pages. He'll get two additional waiver moves just like all other honorable owners. The DICC is spent on this messy issue. This decision is binding and final! DICC ************************************************** Hi guys, Wow! I just finished reading through all the mail generated by TradeScam. Lots of good stuff there, but I can't really tell which are serious objections/suggestions and which are just ball busting. Here's the deal as I see it. The rules do state that the trade deadline is the all star break. However: 1. These rules were based on rules from other leagues I have been involved in, specifically my "Perm" league. In that league we always say that the trade deadline is the All-Star break but it is understood that this means the END of the transaction period that contains the All-Star break. For Cyberzahm that would be 7/19. Perhaps this was not clear in the listed rules, but it is the intent of the rule. I am sorry that the rules have holes and are not perfectly clear but I'm just a lowly computer scientist, not a lawyer. 2. Trade solicitations were openly and obviously going on for all to see after the all star game. If someone had raised the question at that time about the deadline being the all star break I could have clarified the situation then. 3. I certainly would not have let the trade deadline come and go, at least not on purpose, without announcing it and trying to drum up some action. I don't know why but I've been working under the assumption that the trade deadline is right at the end of Albertfest. I have a recollection of sending an email announcement a long time ago that we would delay the trade deadline until then so as to allow participants of the Eastern Reunion to barter in person. Did I send such a note or am I confused? So, from where I sit no rules were broken. The only problem was a lack of clarity in the written rules, which could have been cleared up in a timely fashion had someone pointed it out earlier. Here is how I propose we handle this situation: 1. All trades and waiver moves stand. 2. No extra waiver moves etc will be awarded to anybody. 3. We have already established that standard punishments have to do with beer fines. So, for not being sufficiently clear about the rules I fine myself a case of Victory from the local microbrew house, which I will try to remember to bring to the reunion. 4. To give everyone a chance to enjoy trades that occur "after the all star break" and to allow bartering face-to-face, this year's trade deadline will be Aug 17th (I really do think this was announced a long time ago ... or maybe I just remember talking about doing this during last year's Andystock). If anyone is seriously unhappy with this resolution, and isn't just intent on busting my balls, send me an email with what you suggest we should do. Of course, I know the busting will continue, but I'd like to be able to tell the difference between real concerns and ball busting so this problem can be resolved. The ICC ******************************************************* Fox, As much as I would prefer Candiotti, I concur. I do speciifically = reacll you saying that AlbertPalooza would be extra fun due to the face = to face trade options that would avail themselves. That note did not = specifically move the "trade deadline" but that seemed to be your = intent. AND... any trade made by the All-Star game would NOT have gone into = effect until 7/19... in essence, making 7/19 the deadline. That makes = sense. AND... as long as those whi did not make trades now have the option to = trade until 8/17, then they have not really lost any advantage. I assumed the boys were breaking balls, and hope that they can live w/ = your decision. As always, I abide by your wisdom. And,hey, you're my golf partner! Albert ******************************************************* Don't Blame Me! You started it! I was going to question TAP's original trade inquiry, but I was leaving town and had no time. Obviously I had more time this week. I really "interpreted" the rule as literally meaning the break. Roll with the punches man. Regarding your proposed solution, that was sort of what I originally suggested, but the DICC's solution sounds good too. Aw shucks, I was just trying to jerk your chaiinn; I have no real concerns except to liven up this league a bit. But I really had a chance of catching your original sucky team, and that would have been most enjoyable. Innocent Mags ---------- From: Dan Sent: Friday, July 25, 1997 11:41 AM To: Jim Subject: Re: roster moves James, What haft thou wrought???? Fox > > Oh Oh, someone is in for a surprise. As you will find out, the DICC has > risen to the occasion to fill the vacancy left by your exodus to > Clinton-land. I fear an irreversible process has transpired with devasting > implications (read the rest of your email). The "intent" of the rule is > not as stated in the rules, and interpretation of it is bogus. Since you > are in-absentia and the DICC is in command, can you make decrees? This > situation is perilously close to legal intervention, as your actions are > being monitored by the Kentucky Bar Association/ Cyberleague fan club. > > Bitburger? A fine German pilsner, drafts of which I first sampled at the > Palo Alto Holiday Inn Lounge across from the main entrance to Stanford. > Tasty. > > I think I will withdraw from further discussion of this baseball scandal > now and let the rest of y'all battle it out. > > On the side of Justice, > > Mags > > > ---------- > From: Dan > Sent: Friday, July 25, 1997 9:03 AM > Subject: Re: roster moves > > James, > > The intent of the rule is that the trade deadline is the end of the > transaction period that includes the all star break, and that is how > I interpret it. > > Furthermore, I actually thought we had delayed the trade deadline this > year to include the transaction period that contains the Albertfest. > > So I hearby decree that the trade deadline is August 17th. > > Bitburger? > > Fox > ******************************************************* Your wisdom and fairness is evident once again. Proceed as you have proposed. TAP ******************************************************* In a message dated 97-07-25 15:16:36 EDT, ICC writes: << So, from where I sit no rules were broken. The only problem was a lack of clarity in the written rules, which could have been cleared up in a timely fashion had someone pointed it out earlier.>> Who said it? (circle one) (a) Richard Nixon, (b) Dennis Rodman, (c) The Red Fox John A. ******************************************************** Albert - of course you are going to agree with Fox, you benefit from this illegal activity. John - nice dig....I would have thought Nixon if I didnt know better. Regarding the trades....I CAN reverse them TODAY if that is the decision. It is the waiver of Pitchers which take forever to get through the system....which in fact is not finished for this period and I have a big day away from here before we leave Sunday AM on vacation. I will be in touch with the DICC on the tele today to resolve this. I am sure that all of you will accept the decision. Hans ******************************************************** To: All Roto Owners From: The DICC Subject: Final Ruling on TradeScam Date: July 26, 1997 I discussed the sticky tradescam mess with Mr. SLICC by telephone yesterday. He has had time to digest the DICC's ejaculations and has objected to the volume, flavor and tone with which I popped off on him. While he was pleased that the DICC was able to take matters into his own hand while the ICC was out of town, he slapped the DICC yesterday for exploding all over him without giving him warning that the eruption was cumming. He has warned me that he alone will handle all hard tissues, er issues, in the future without covering them up. He has accknowledged that this has been a very distasteful experience for him and as punishment has agreed to continue to swallow the vile abuse at Albertfest. I'm sure he'll get a mouthful from Willo and the others, so, I have decided to back his ruling on the tradescam matter. That means that all transactions and trades during the last waiver period will stand and additional waiver moves will not be granted. All owners will have final trade opportunities until Sunday midnight of Albertfest. This decision is final and binding. Any of you who question the ICC's ruling on this matter will have to swallow the stiff reprimand of the DICC in public. DICC ******************************************************* Gentlemen, Mazin ownership returned from a brief personal vacation and was shocked to see the vile accusations and innuendos being tossed at the commissioner's office regarding recent trade activity. Please be advised that the Mazins would like to formally go on record as noting the long standing integrity of commissioner Fox and casting our support 100% behind his decisions on these matters. Calls for independent counsel hearings and investigations are totally off-base and without merit. We are satisfied that no evidence of wrongdoing has ever been substantiated and attempts to link the commisioner's office to any improper activities serve no good purpose for this league and should be abandoned immediately. The league should consider the lowly standing of the team instigating this garbage and dismiss these falsehoods immediately. Yours for fair play, The Mazins ps. Commisoner Fox: Will the East bedroom still be available on my next trip to Philadelphia? ****************************************************** Fellow owners (and fans) Double wow!! I'm having a helluva time figuring out what's going on with the = thirty-some emails on roster moves in the last two weeks, but I support = the DICC position that justice must be inserted into this process. If = the simplest way is to award extra waver slots to those who play by the = rules, let's do it. But: let them select from ANY player, not just = those dregs ignored but the scamartists. Or, as an option, allow us to = pick from any players the criminals claimed, and then they choose from = the leavings (which is probably the most equitable). Either way, it = eliminates any advantage they could enjoy from their scheming. Sobo ******************************************************* Relative to the Fox caper..... The illegal moves must be reversed. You don't define (or refine) the rules after the fact. You act like a man, face the music and take the punishment. I hear about added waivers and the like, but the penalties I understand usually include cash, women or both. I am disappointed that our esteemed Commissioner has erred in his trading habits but am shocked that he can't take the medicine like a true ICC. The only remedy that I think is logical is that he sends a $100 bill to all those who don't support his actions and hope that this will mitigate their attitude. In the meantime I refuse to accept any weekly or season stats until a full investigation and accounting of these activities is completed. These words are truly spoken from an 8th place owner. Albert...BTW I am still hanging on to my 23 handicap and have the card to support it. So get them strokes ready. Willo **************************************************************** Aside from all the pronouncements, proclamations, proposed penalties, actual penalties, sanctions, suctions, ejaculations, fomentations and disgorgements surrounding Tradescam, I decipher the SLICC's defense to be a variation on the Clintonesque standard defenses: (a) It didn't happen. (b) I don't know what you're talking about. (c) You're exaggerating. (d) There's no binding legal authority. (e) You're misintrepeting the whole thing. So, notwithstanding the common sense interpretation of the rule, Mr. SLICC tries to pull one over on the fan; maybe catch the fan weary of the endless roto season, looking forward to new life, i.e. football. Once again, the powers that be underestimated their most important constitutency, the fan. As I understand Mr. SLICC's rationale, his testimony might sound something like this: Ques: So Mr. Fox, isn't it true that you had your hand in the cookie jar when you were apprehended? Ans: Yes, that's true. But it wasn't my intent to actually take a cookie. Ques: Oh, so, you had your hand in the cookie jar, but your weren't intending to take a cookie? Ans. Yes, that's true. And if it had been my intent to take a cookie, I may not have actually eaten the cookie. The cookie may have been for someone else, or maybe I just would have been inspecting it. Ques. And what about those crumbs around your mouth? Lab results indicate the presence of substances often used in cookies: chocolate, sugar, flour and butter. Ans: Yes, that. Well, that was my from my own cookie which I had eaten sometime previous to encountering the cookie jar in question here. I had purchased that cookie with money legally mine through successful commodities trading. That's why the cookie would not have been for me. See, I had already had mine. Ques. So the cookie would have been for someone else, or maybe you were simply inspecting the cookie, and therefore there would have been no transgression on your part? Ans: Yes, that's true. And if I had taken a cookie, which I did not, and had actually eaten the cookie, which I would not, I might not have enjoyed the cookie. That is, I might not actually have benefitted from the taking. Besides, before the cookie is eaten, it could have been put back, so no one would have been harmed. Ques. So, if you had put your hand in the cookie jar, taken the cookie, eaten the cookie, but not enjoyed the cookie, there would have been no transgression on your part? Ans: Yes, that's true. Some of the little people probably have the impression that putting one's hand in the cookie jar is sufficient evidence of a transgression to convict, but, of course, the little people know so little. That's one of the reasons they're called the little people. The fact is, that there is no binding legal authority on the subject. So even though the appearances may be bad and certain actions might even reek of a foul, unimaginable, stench, as I interpret the rules, no wrongdoing actually occurred. No further questions, Mr. Clinton. D.D.