Factoids about the 2003 roto-baseball draft

Now that the draft is over it is only fair that an objective analysis about the
draft be provided..

The awful: The awful award was very easy. The envelope goes to none other than
the dynamic losers that being the gang of Toni and Albert.  Not only will they
not go from last to first, it is certain that they will go from last to last. 
One pick in particular sums up this pitiful team, that being Cal Eldred of
course.  Albert you better keep your day job.  Toni..you best get a night job. 
How much can you afford to lose??

The awful-imitators: A tossup among three teams (surprisingly Prep you are not
one of them).They in order of ineptness are:

a.  The McDoormats.  Even if Phil Nevin was going to play this team lacks power,
speed, and saves.  It is obvious that the liquor was flowing at the expense of
any intelligence.  Andy, double up on the umpiring this spring and summer.  Your
expense account is going to need some strengthening. Mo Vaughn, Junior Spivey,
Moises Alou?? And it was believed that you could handle your booze.

b.  The Invinceables: Yes, Tommy, you better re-recruit Brian to give you some
help.  It is obvious that you have been smoking too much of that paper you've
been selling.  Your pitching staff is awful.  The good news is you won't need to
watch Sportcenter because your offensive power is lame as well.  Oh well, there
is always next year.

c.  The Pinstripes: Doctor, doctor stay with the X-Rays and forget about
statistics. It is obvious that you had to deliver some bad personal news to some
patients these weeks.  Well the bad news to you is that your roto-team
sucks (Alfonseca?, Foppert?, Eric Young?) who says that doctors don't inhale.

The imitators: Another group of three who may believe that they have a good team
but come the first of May will realize that they need to spend those reserve
moves to avoid challenging for the cellar.

a.  Yes Preppy you are here. A word of caution -- don't analyze the daily
offensive box scores because your home run, RBI and scoring production will even
cause a lawyer to feel as though he doesn't have a chance. Where was your
roto-help? Burks??, Lofton??, Perry?? You better hope that Barry hits at least
150 home runs if you want to contend.  You should be ashamed of yourself. 
Please put the Willo on your maximum wager list because he loves to steal $$$$
from lawyers.

b.  Mr. Longbreath, that being Terry of course. Not a bad draft for an almost
rookie.  Unfortunately you will continue to mire in the middle of the pack
wishing you had the roto-acumen of the other owners.  What were you thinking
when you took Peavy and Lackey??? Your starting pitching staff is one for the
cellar dwellers.  Keep your mind on the war, you'll want to forget your draft.

c.  Sobo. You thought you had the roto-team of 2002.  Think again.  Your batting
average sucks, your saves suck, your ERA will be over 4.0, your dream has gone
the way of the next reunion -- south.  Take a look at your last five pitchers. 
The big question is whether they will be in the major leagues come the end of
the season.

The contenders ..This group is comprised of three unexpectant owners.They are,
in order of least likely to succeed 

a.  The Ballbusters.The only balls getting busted this year is this team's
owner.  It will be another expensive year. Little offense, last in batting
average, close to last in the save category - awful! good luck!  It is evident
that the Big Unit cost him his roto-strategy from which he could not recover. 
Rocco??, Biggio??, Dessens?? You told us you were laying off the hard stuff this
year.  Next year uncork a few bottles.


b.  The Jack-offs: That being Jack of course. Not a bad team considering he was
drafting from the beach lands of Puerto Rico.  Unfortunately his pitching
staff's ERA will be the highest of the league and his wins and saves will be
marginal at best. Jimmy Haynes??, Ryan Dumpster??, Isringhausen?? Either you got
laid too often or the sun did you in.  Next year go to Alaska.

c.  The Maggots. An OK draft considering the continuous daily pressure that this
owner must bear.  With the war and all, this owner must be preoccupied on
keeping submarines dry and below water.  But where is your offense?  How about
that lofty ERA?  Kevin Brown?, Chan Ho hit-it-out-of-the-Park?,  Steve
Trachshel?.  Get ready to make another trade that will again assure the Hogmen
are in the top 5%. 

The elite: This roto-draft has simply boiled down to the two elite teams.  The
wanna-be-elite team and the elite team>>>>
        
The wanna-be team is none other than the Foxes.  Unfortunately this owner
adjusted his strategy mid-draft and it will be his 2003 roto-curse.  He had a
nice draft going until he drafted Brad Fullmer (should have looked at his 2002
stats) and his many relievers.  Yes that may help him with ERA and saves but
assures his tanking in two categories. W's and K's will once again cost him the
title. Next year, professor, get some help from the students.

And the winner: as everyone knows who witnessed the draft is once again the
Hogmen.  Not satisfied with another second place it was only time to take the
lead role and again bring home the 2003 roto-baseball first place trophy.  An
offensive machine that will turn out the lights of all other owners by the All
Star break.  The pitching staff has no concerns other than will Pedro win 20 or
30 this year.  This team perspires confidence and its owner bluntly declares
"bring on the money!".