Simply put, as the Cyberzahm 2003 draft rosters were filled, the owners 
fulfilled their customary duties of inattentiveness, brain farts, bad 
picks, and chaos.  And that was just Willo.   "A" (or was it "A"?) of 
A/A hemmed and hawd, stalled, then balled to finish the marathon.  But 
now that the picks are written in cyber-stone, here's what my usual 
careful analysis has found.  My rating system equates 5 points per 
offensive player and four points per P to final total score in our 
standings (a maximum of 111 points).  This is based on careful component 
modeling of roster picks by name, date of birth, and sunflower seed 
consumption.  Don't argue, it's fucking accurate.  Your total points and 
final standing is based on this score minus deductions for your doink 
picks (premature, or just plain bad!).  So without further adoink, the 
rankings:

1 - Me, of course.  The Nomads were nearly doink-free, although in an 
effort to be fair, one doink deduction for Chan Ho Park.  Total pts for 
year - 107  The Winner!

2 - Gabes.  Only six doinks (Gabes, as you will see below, that's pretty 
good).  The six:  Vernon Wells, Juan Encarnacion, Higginson, Rocco (you 
picked him for his name) Baldelli, Elmer Doink (Dessens), Moss.  Total 
points, 83, a distant second.

3 - Andy.  7 doinks.  If there was a double-doink category, Andy would 
have two of them (Nevin and Santana). Despite that did aMazinly well.  
Besides the two near-double doinks, there's Pierre, Schmidt, Olerud, 
Weaver, and Patterson.  Total score, 80.

4 - Sobo.  Sneaks by with 8 doinks, but a couple close calls.  The 
8-not-so-great: Furcal, Kendall (slipping into mediocrity), Leiter 
(asshole), Wasburn, Batista (there goes BA), Sanders, Bell (doin'g!), 
and the player formerly known as El Duque.  Total score, 74.

5- Jack.  Seven regular draft doinks, and one post-draft addition (Bubba 
Trammel becomes a Yankee bench warmer- doink!).  The other seven:  
Hunter, Salmon, LoDuca, Ramon ("the wrong") Ortiz, Trot-don't-run Nixon, 
Sheets, and Jimmy Haynes.  Total Score, 71.

6/7-  (Tie) Terry and Prep.  Nine doinks apiece.  Clearly, these two 
were focused more on trying to impress with history lessons than on 
assessing their picks.  Terry's list includes Edmonds, Jeremy ("not 
Jason") Giambi, Finley (he old), Lackey (who?), Gibbons, Oliver (shoulda 
stopped with Odalis) Perez, Jenkins, Peavy, and Eaton.    

Prep doinked with Sexson, Rueter, Ellis Burks, Radke, Lofton, Wakefield, 
David not-so-Wells, Perry, and I-can't-believe-you-picked-a-guy-named 
Bush.  Total score for each of these political debaters, 70.

8- Hans.  Sorry Hans, you were generally a master of efficiency in 
making and posting your picks.  But for nine of them, you should have 
taken more time.  The 9 doinks: Jose Vidro, Erstad, Glavine (he's a 
Met!), Don't-say Kotsay, Hillenbrand, E. Martinez, Glanville, Lugo, T. 
Martinez.  Total points, 67.

9/10 - Tie, Willo and A/A. Willo, what can I say.  "Within three minutes 
of receiving Gabes e-mail Willo takes Kevin Millwood."  Doink!   That 
would have been a good pick.  These ten weren't:  Garret Anderson (round 
3!), Dye, Vazquez, Todd Walker, Raul Mondesi, Teixeira, O-No Hudson, 
Fossum, Kapler, and R Hernandez.  Total points, 63.

  A/A, The new Abbot and Costello.  "We pick Brooks and Byrd, and 
Lopez".  "No, Lopez and Byrd.  No harm done!"  "Don't listen to my 
Uncle!"  "Everything my nephew says is false!"  "Really, my Uncle is 
full of shit!"  "We'll pick next week after we muddle!"  In between all 
of that confusion, they made these 10 doinks:  Dunn, Griffey, Sanchez, 
Cruz, Hidalgo, Bellhorn, Byrd, Eldred (IS he alive?), Larsen, and of 
course Ventura!   Total points, 63.  Swimming with the Hogs.

11- Fox.  Thinking too much about the Villanova Ladies Hoops team. 
11 doinks in all, starting with Andruw (some day I will 
live up to the hype) Jones, Cameron, Fullmer, Aramis Ramirez, LeCroy, 
Crawford, Looper, Karim abdoink Garcia, Lidle, Embree. and German (if 
you're gonna go with Closers, pick real ones!).  Total score, 60.

12 - Ike, King of the Doinks.  Sorry man, 13 big Ds.  Must be raiding 
the pharmacy again.  A first round doink, Brian Giles, followed by Bret 
Boone, Tony Wo-is-me-mack, Lowell, Koskie, Cedeno, Alfonseca, Wright 
(wrong!), Millar (shoulda gone to Japan), Mench (rhymes with bench), 
Floppert, Contreras, and Karros.  Whew, I'm exhausted!  Total score, 50. 
 Happy trading, Ike.


Mags