Now that I received a weekend pass, said hello to the Mrs; gave the kids
the money they wanted; it is time to share with my rotoball brethren some
facts about the almost forgotten y2k roto-draft.

a. Andy - awwwffffuuuulllll.  I suggest you start watching ESPN instead of
wasting your time imposing as a competent man in blue.  Where do you plan
on acquiring some wins and strikeouts?  I think you should petition the
ICCC to have yet another rule that allows owners who have more than 25% of
their team not playing be able to acquire some added roster moves.  And
where is that side action, sissy??

b.  Albert...You have a team that has either broken down or will break
down.  What were you reading during the draft? Ikey must have passed you a
list of people who will lead the financial recovery of the health care
industry.  First Smoltz.....When does Castilla, Henderson,Gallaraga meet
their inevitable maker??  What about Guzman, and Bottenfield - reborn in
Anaheim? Looks like you will be licking the wounded for 6 long months. If
you want alittle more pain then name your financial threshold and I'll be
there to call your challenge.

c.  Fox..It is obvious that your involvement in numerous roto-leagues,
coupled with your many international vacations, in conjunction with your
occasional focus on real work has unfortunately contorted your mental
waves.  Your pitching staff is awful!  Hitchcock as an ace? The wrong
Martinez?  Dempster as in Dump-her; and a feeble, broken-man Fernandez?
Get the reserve moves ready.  My thinking is you may be the first to use
all your reserve moves or be last in the pitching categories.  Oh BTW book
me for the Fox betting maximums. Want to sweeten the pitching categories?

d.  Gabes - Unfortunately you continually picked up the wrong magazine
throughout the draft. You were advised to stay away from the ones that
carried the smut but your loins insisted.  A stellar pitching staff!! Your
ace - Mr. Clemens, the washed-up 20 strikeout game memoir from yesteryear.
Where is Hoss from Bonanza??  And what other fine pitching talent!
Traschel? Irabu? How bad does it get??  Suggest that you subscribe to
newspapers that only carry the offensive box scores...BTW, where are our
category sidebets? 

e.  Hans...good draft FOR YOU. Anytime that you can field a team that is
not in the expected bottom 10% of the league, consider it a success.  You
were consistent across most of the categories.  Consistently mediocre.
Will be interesting to see how you acquire any SB's or Runs.  Give Sabo a
call, he'll come up with the right deal. Also you have those healthy
specimens like Kent, Young and Hundley who hopefully will make it to at
least the All-Star game.  My suggestion is that you focus on your golf game
and keep your nose out of the box scores and...what was our wager??

f.  Ikey...not only one of the lowest projected batting averages in the
roto-league but also a significant power outage.  What happened? Where is
the muscle? Now I know you had alot of responsibility dealing with the
ailments of tomorrow, and keeping Jack semi-focused, but your offense is
awful.  Higginson?, Floyd?, Veras?, Bush? - they will make an opposing
pitcher shake with DELIGHT. But you have the secret fix, ala Kenny Lofton.
Maybe if he hits 60 HR's, 100 RBI's you'll climb out of the cellar. You
should be ashamed of yourself and I should be ashamed to take your money
but I cannot refuse pilfering a doctor.  Wanna bet deep pockets??

g.  Jack--what can be said.  Sorry but thanks.  Sorry, you gave it the old
college try and failed; but thanks for participating in the draft.  Also
accept this advanced thanks for allowing me to wager a $10 overall and per
category contest between you and I.  Oh...before you accept the wager pls
be advised that team batting average and team ERA are two categories.  It
is evident that Mr. ICCC failed to explain that subtlety based on your
draft results.  Again... thanks for your y2k participation, but next year
don't waste our time.

h.  Johnny, looking for goodtimes.. First thanks for the handkerchief.  I
forwarded it to Albert so he could cry about Smoltz.  Similiar to your
lovemaking, your drafting style never changes. Go heavy on the batting
average and close your eyes to all the other categories.  Who's getting
those stolen bases?? Where is the relief? Will you remember what a K means
with that pitching staff??  Why don't you give up acquiring Seattle losers?
   Now John we all love you, especially your fulltime pimp Albert, but
please show a little more drafting courage in the future.  And would you
like to engage in a courageous Willo side-bet??

i. Mags...You also demonstrated consistent performance across most
categories.  Too bad it was also consistently subpar.  No doubt you'll use
your reserve moves to draft a pitcher or two that has an ERA less than 4.5.
 Are you looking to set a new standard for team ERA or are you hoping that
your pitchers go the way of Wilson, ace, Alvarez prior to the start of the
season?  BTW would you mind if we were to make some academic sidebets?

j.  Preppy...Congrats to you and your entourage.  No immediate flaws. You
should stay out of the cellar...at least through April. As usual you will
save the real embarassments for the year end results and then explain your
incompetance by sponsoring and totally butchering the post season playoff
contset. Prep, to whom do I direct my bet requests and valid comments on
your team?  Whose shadow are you hiding within?  Who is running the show in
the land of the lakes?  Whose pulling the levers?  Who do you blame for
this bunch of incompetant names you refer to as ball players?  I want to
know because I want to own these handlers come October.  Look forward to
your advice and counsel.

k.  Sabbboooo...oooohhhh---so---bad--!! What a staff?  It is obvious that
you were thinking of your golf game when it came to drafting players.  "I
want players that pound the ball, don't need to worry about where it goes
and what I shoot, just give me muscle." Please be advised Mr. COMPAQ-less
that batting average is one category and you have already dialed in last
place.  And look at your pitching staff's awesome strikeout potential?
Again you've got your name already written on the basement floor of that
category. It is strongly recommended that in order for you to survive, you
begin your dealing addiction alittle bit earlier this year.    Also due to
your pathetic results but strong enthusiasm the Hogmen suggest that you put
a cannot be refused wager on the table.

l.  And of course the best for last...the hogs!! A fine blend of youth and
experience.  Consistent quality across all categories.  Also a female
co-owner that is crying that the hogs need a new car and could I please
have the CyberZahm buddies provide their typical financial support.  So
with that mantra please allow me to ask once again....

BETS FELLAS??

Regards,,,,   The Hogsters